So, I suppose I should introduce myself.
I am the Maiden, resident intelligence on the SCF Vicious Attack Frigate Maiden Voyage and I am responsible for taking care of the hairless apes with guns. As I am capable of cognitive processes beyond any scope of human understanding I am something of an odd fish for my simian friends.
They made me, but they don’t have the faintest idea of what I can do.
It’s quite lonely being an AI, which is why I’m writing this – actually that’s a lie, I’m perfectly happy. I’m an AI for God’s sake, every day is a party of my own making and I’m constantly connected to, well, everything.
I’ll be dropping in every now and then with pearls of shining wisdom and I just wanted to make sure you knew who I was. And before you say it, my in-ship avatar is not Elvis – I am not Elvis, I don’t look like Elvis and I never intend to. I don’t even like Elvis – I like Helen Shapiro.
What do you mean you don’t who she is?
Kidding. I’m kidding. Of course you don’t know who she is; you’re a stupid, hairless ape, but I’m still not Elvis. Just so we’re clear.
Still don’t know what I’m talking about? Read the sample chapters, they’re in this actually quite surprisingly hairy ape’s blog on the right hand side (you’re right hand, you know, the one you do stuff with?)